1
After what we have said,
a discussion of friendship would naturally follow, since it is a virtue or
implies virtue, and is besides most necessary with a view to living. For without
friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods; even rich
men and those in possession of office and of dominating power are thought to
need friends most of all; for what is the use of such prosperity without the
opportunity of beneficence, which is exercised chiefly and in its most laudable
form towards friends? Or how can prosperity be guarded and preserved without
friends? The greater it is, the more exposed is it to risk. And in poverty and
in other misfortunes men think friends are the only refuge. It helps the young,
too, to keep from error; it aids older people by ministering to their needs and
supplementing the activities that are failing from weakness; those in the prime
of life it stimulates to noble actions-'two going together'-for with friends men
are more able both to think and to act. Again, parent seems by nature to feel it
for offspring and offspring for parent, not only among men but among birds and
among most animals; it is felt mutually by members of the same race, and
especially by men, whence we praise lovers of their fellowmen. We may even in
our travels how near and dear every man is to every other. Friendship seems too
to hold states together, and lawgivers to care more for it than for justice; for
unanimity seems to be something like friendship, and this they aim at most of
all, and expel faction as their worst enemy; and when men are friends they have
no need of justice, while when they are just they need friendship as well, and
the truest form of justice is thought to be a friendly quality.
But it is not only
necessary but also noble; for we praise those who love their friends, and it is
thought to be a fine thing to have many friends; and again we think it is the
same people that are good men and are friends.
Not a few things about
friendship are matters of debate. Some define it as a kind of likeness and say
like people are friends, whence come the sayings 'like to like', 'birds of a
feather flock together', and so on; others on the contrary say 'two of a trade
never agree'. On this very question they inquire for deeper and more physical
causes, Euripides saying that 'parched earth loves the rain, and stately heaven
when filled with rain loves to fall to earth', and Heraclitus that 'it is what
opposes that helps' and 'from different tones comes the fairest tune' and 'all
things are produced through strife'; while Empedocles, as well as others,
expresses the opposite view that like aims at like. The physical problems we may
leave alone (for they do not belong to the present inquiry); let us examine
those which are human and involve character and feeling, e.g. whether friendship
can arise between any two people or people cannot be friends if they are wicked,
and whether there is one species of friendship or more than one. Those who think
there is only one because it admits of degrees have relied on an inadequate
indication; for even things different in species admit of degree. We have
discussed this matter previously.
2
The kinds of friendship
may perhaps be cleared up if we first come to know the object of love. For not
everything seems to be loved but only the lovable, and this is good, pleasant,
or useful; but it would seem to be that by which some good or pleasure is
produced that is useful, so that it is the good and the useful that are lovable
as ends. Do men love, then, the good, or what is good for them? These sometimes
clash. So too with regard to the pleasant. Now it is thought that each loves
what is good for himself, and that the good is without qualification lovable,
and what is good for each man is lovable for him; but each man loves not what is
good for him but what seems good. This however will make no difference; we shall
just have to say that this is 'that which seems lovable'. Now there are three
grounds on which people love; of the love of lifeless objects we do not use the
word 'friendship'; for it is not mutual love, nor is there a wishing of good to
the other (for it would surely be ridiculous to wish wine well; if one wishes
anything for it, it is that it may keep, so that one may have it oneself); but
to a friend we say we ought to wish what is good for his sake. But to those who
thus wish good we ascribe only goodwill, if the wish is not reciprocated;
goodwill when it is reciprocal being friendship. Or must we add 'when it is
recognized'? For many people have goodwill to those whom they have not seen but
judge to be good or useful; and one of these might return this feeling. These
people seem to bear goodwill to each other; but how could one call them friends
when they do not know their mutual feelings? To be friends, then, the must be
mutually recognized as bearing goodwill and wishing well to each other for one
of the aforesaid reasons.
3
Now these reasons differ
from each other in kind; so, therefore, do the corresponding forms of love and
friendship. There are therefore three kinds of friendship, equal in number to
the things that are lovable; for with respect to each there is a mutual and
recognized love, and those who love each other wish well to each other in that
respect in which they love one another. Now those who love each other for their
utility do not love each other for themselves but in virtue of some good which
they get from each other. So too with those who love for the sake of pleasure;
it is not for their character that men love ready-witted people, but because
they find them pleasant. Therefore those who love for the sake of utility love
for the sake of what is good for themselves, and those who love for the sake of
pleasure do so for the sake of what is pleasant to themselves, and not in so far
as the other is the person loved but in so far as he is useful or pleasant. And
thus these friendships are only incidental; for it is not as being the man he is
that the loved person is loved, but as providing some good or pleasure. Such
friendships, then, are easily dissolved, if the parties do not remain like
themselves; for if the one party is no longer pleasant or useful the other
ceases to love him.
Now the useful is not
permanent but is always changing. Thus when the motive of the friendship is done
away, the friendship is dissolved, inasmuch as it existed only for the ends in
question. This kind of friendship seems to exist chiefly between old people (for
at that age people pursue not the pleasant but the useful) and, of those who are
in their prime or young, between those who pursue utility. And such people do
not live much with each other either; for sometimes they do not even find each
other pleasant; therefore they do not need such companionship unless they are
useful to each other; for they are pleasant to each other only in so far as they
rouse in each other hopes of something good to come. Among such friendships
people also class the friendship of a host and guest. On the other hand the
friendship of young people seems to aim at pleasure; for they live under the
guidance of emotion, and pursue above all what is pleasant to themselves and
what is immediately before them; but with increasing age their pleasures become
different. This is why they quickly become friends and quickly cease to be so;
their friendship changes with the object that is found pleasant, and such
pleasure alters quickly. Young people are amorous too; for the greater part of
the friendship of love depends on emotion and aims at pleasure; this is why they
fall in love and quickly fall out of love, changing often within a single day.
But these people do wish to spend their days and lives together; for it is thus
that they attain the purpose of their friendship.
Perfect friendship is the
friendship of men who are good, and alike in virtue; for these wish well alike
to each other qua good, and they are good themselves. Now those who wish well to
their friends for their sake are most truly friends; for they do this by reason
of own nature and not incidentally; therefore their friendship lasts as long as
they are good-and goodness is an enduring thing. And each is good without
qualification and to his friend, for the good are both good without
qualification and useful to each other. So too they are pleasant; for the good
are pleasant both without qualification and to each other, since to each his own
activities and others like them are pleasurable, and the actions of the good are
the same or like. And such a friendship is as might be expected permanent, since
there meet in it all the qualities that friends should have. For all friendship
is for the sake of good or of pleasure-good or pleasure either in the abstract
or such as will be enjoyed by him who has the friendly feeling-and is based on a
certain resemblance; and to a friendship of good men all the qualities we have
named belong in virtue of the nature of the friends themselves; for in the case
of this kind of friendship the other qualities also are alike in both friends,
and that which is good without qualification is also without qualification
pleasant, and these are the most lovable qualities. Love and friendship
therefore are found most and in their best form between such men.
But it is natural that
such friendships should be infrequent; for such men are rare. Further, such
friendship requires time and familiarity; as the proverb says, men cannot know
each other till they have 'eaten salt together'; nor can they admit each other
to friendship or be friends till each has been found lovable and been trusted by
each. Those who quickly show the marks of friendship to each other wish to be
friends, but are not friends unless they both are lovable and know the fact; for
a wish for friendship may arise quickly, but friendship does not.
4
This kind of friendship,
then, is perfect both in respect of duration and in all other respects, and in
it each gets from each in all respects the same as, or something like what, he
gives; which is what ought to happen between friends. Friendship for the sake of
pleasure bears a resemblance to this kind; for good people too are pleasant to
each other. So too does friendship for the sake of utility; for the good are
also useful to each other. Among men of these inferior sorts too, friendships
are most permanent when the friends get the same thing from each other (e.g.
pleasure), and not only that but also from the same source, as happens between
readywitted people, not as happens between lover and beloved. For these do not
take pleasure in the same things, but the one in seeing the beloved and the
other in receiving attentions from his lover; and when the bloom of youth is
passing the friendship sometimes passes too (for the one finds no pleasure in
the sight of the other, and the other gets no attentions from the first); but
many lovers on the other hand are constant, if familiarity has led them to love
each other's characters, these being alike. But those who exchange not pleasure
but utility in their amour are both less truly friends and less constant. Those
who are friends for the sake of utility part when the advantage is at an end;
for they were lovers not of each other but of profit.
For the sake of pleasure
or utility, then, even bad men may be friends of each other, or good men of bad,
or one who is neither good nor bad may be a friend to any sort of person, but
for their own sake clearly only good men can be friends; for bad men do not
delight in each other unless some advantage come of the relation.
The friendship of the
good too and this alone is proof against slander; for it is not easy to trust
any one talk about a man who has long been tested by oneself; and it is among
good men that trust and the feeling that 'he would never wrong me' and all the
other things that are demanded in true friendship are found. In the other kinds
of friendship, however, there is nothing to prevent these evils arising. For men
apply the name of friends even to those whose motive is utility, in which sense
states are said to be friendly (for the alliances of states seem to aim at
advantage), and to those who love each other for the sake of pleasure, in which
sense children are called friends. Therefore we too ought perhaps to call such
people friends, and say that there are several kinds of friendship-firstly and
in the proper sense that of good men qua good, and by analogy the other kinds;
for it is in virtue of something good and something akin to what is found in
true friendship that they are friends, since even the pleasant is good for the
lovers of pleasure. But these two kinds of friendship are not often united, nor
do the same people become friends for the sake of utility and of pleasure; for
things that are only incidentally connected are not often coupled together.
Friendship being divided
into these kinds, bad men will be friends for the sake of pleasure or of
utility, being in this respect like each other, but good men will be friends for
their own sake, i.e. in virtue of their goodness. These, then, are friends
without qualification; the others are friends incidentally and through a
resemblance to these.
5
As in regard to the
virtues some men are called good in respect of a state of character, others in
respect of an activity, so too in the case of friendship; for those who live
together delight in each other and confer benefits on each other, but those who
are asleep or locally separated are not performing, but are disposed to perform,
the activities of friendship; distance does not break off the friendship
absolutely, but only the activity of it. But if the absence is lasting, it seems
actually to make men forget their friendship; hence the saying 'out of sight,
out of mind'. Neither old people nor sour people seem to make friends easily;
for there is little that is pleasant in them, and no one can spend his days with
one whose company is painful, or not pleasant, since nature seems above all to
avoid the painful and to aim at the pleasant. Those, however, who approve of
each other but do not live together seem to be well-disposed rather than actual
friends. For there is nothing so characteristic of friends as living together
(since while it people who are in need that desire benefits, even those who are
supremely happy desire to spend their days together; for solitude suits such
people least of all); but people cannot live together if they are not pleasant
and do not enjoy the same things, as friends who are companions seem to do.
The truest friendship,
then, is that of the good, as we have frequently said; for that which is without
qualification good or pleasant seems to be lovable and desirable, and for each
person that which is good or pleasant to him; and the good man is lovable and
desirable to the good man for both these reasons. Now it looks as if love were a
feeling, friendship a state of character; for love may be felt just as much
towards lifeless things, but mutual love involves choice and choice springs from
a state of character; and men wish well to those whom they love, for their sake,
not as a result of feeling but as a result of a state of character. And in
loving a friend men love what is good for themselves; for the good man in
becoming a friend becomes a good to his friend. Each, then, both loves what is
good for himself, and makes an equal return in goodwill and in pleasantness; for
friendship is said to be equality, and both of these are found most in the
friendship of the good.
6
Between sour and elderly
people friendship arises less readily, inasmuch as they are less good-tempered
and enjoy companionship less; for these are thou to be the greatest marks of
friendship productive of it. This is why, while men become friends quickly, old
men do not; it is because men do not become friends with those in whom they do
not delight; and similarly sour people do not quickly make friends either. But
such men may bear goodwill to each other; for they wish one another well and aid
one another in need; but they are hardly friends because they do not spend their
days together nor delight in each other, and these are thought the greatest
marks of friendship.
One cannot be a friend to
many people in the sense of having friendship of the perfect type with them,
just as one cannot be in love with many people at once (for love is a sort of
excess of feeling, and it is the nature of such only to be felt towards one
person); and it is not easy for many people at the same time to please the same
person very greatly, or perhaps even to be good in his eyes. One must, too,
acquire some experience of the other person and become familiar with him, and
that is very hard. But with a view to utility or pleasure it is possible that
many people should please one; for many people are useful or pleasant, and these
services take little time.
Of these two kinds that
which is for the sake of pleasure is the more like friendship, when both parties
get the same things from each other and delight in each other or in the things,
as in the friendships of the young; for generosity is more found in such
friendships. Friendship based on utility is for the commercially minded. People
who are supremely happy, too, have no need of useful friends, but do need
pleasant friends; for they wish to live with some one and, though they can
endure for a short time what is painful, no one could put up with it
continuously, nor even with the Good itself if it were painful to him; this is
why they look out for friends who are pleasant. Perhaps they should look out for
friends who, being pleasant, are also good, and good for them too; for so they
will have all the characteristics that friends should have.
People in positions of
authority seem to have friends who fall into distinct classes; some people are
useful to them and others are pleasant, but the same people are rarely both; for
they seek neither those whose pleasantness is accompanied by virtue nor those
whose utility is with a view to noble objects, but in their desire for pleasure
they seek for ready-witted people, and their other friends they choose as being
clever at doing what they are told, and these characteristics are rarely
combined. Now we have said that the good man is at the same time pleasant and
useful; but such a man does not become the friend of one who surpasses him in
station, unless he is surpassed also in virtue; if this is not so, he does not
establish equality by being proportionally exceeded in both respects. But people
who surpass him in both respects are not so easy to find.
However that may be, the
aforesaid friendships involve equality; for the friends get the same things from
one another and wish the same things for one another, or exchange one thing for
another, e.g. pleasure for utility; we have said, however, that they are both
less truly friendships and less permanent.
But it is from their
likeness and their unlikeness to the same thing that they are thought both to be
and not to be friendships. It is by their likeness to the friendship of virtue
that they seem to be friendships (for one of them involves pleasure and the
other utility, and these characteristics belong to the friendship of virtue as
well); while it is because the friendship of virtue is proof against slander and
permanent, while these quickly change (besides differing from the former in many
other respects), that they appear not to be friendships; i.e. it is because of
their unlikeness to the friendship of virtue.
7
But there is another kind
of friendship, viz. that which involves an inequality between the parties, e.g.
that of father to son and in general of elder to younger, that of man to wife
and in general that of ruler to subject. And these friendships differ also from
each other; for it is not the same that exists between parents and children and
between rulers and subjects, nor is even that of father to son the same as that
of son to father, nor that of husband to wife the same as that of wife to
husband. For the virtue and the function of each of these is different, and so
are the reasons for which they love; the love and the friendship are therefore
different also. Each party, then, neither gets the same from the other, nor
ought to seek it; but when children render to parents what they ought to render
to those who brought them into the world, and parents render what they should to
their children, the friendship of such persons will be abiding and excellent. In
all friendships implying inequality the love also should be proportional, i.e.
the better should be more loved than he loves, and so should the more useful,
and similarly in each of the other cases; for when the love is in proportion to
the merit of the parties, then in a sense arises equality, which is certainly
held to be characteristic of friendship.
But equality does not
seem to take the same form in acts of justice and in friendship; for in acts of
justice what is equal in the primary sense is that which is in proportion to
merit, while quantitative equality is secondary, but in friendship quantitative
equality is primary and proportion to merit secondary. This becomes clear if
there is a great interval in respect of virtue or vice or wealth or anything
else between the parties; for then they are no longer friends, and do not even
expect to be so. And this is most manifest in the case of the gods; for they
surpass us most decisively in all good things. But it is clear also in the case
of kings; for with them, too, men who are much their inferiors do not expect to
be friends; nor do men of no account expect to be friends with the best or
wisest men. In such cases it is not possible to define exactly up to what point
friends can remain friends; for much can be taken away and friendship remain,
but when one party is removed to a great distance, as God is, the possibility of
friendship ceases. This is in fact the origin of the question whether friends
really wish for their friends the greatest goods, e.g. that of being gods; since
in that case their friends will no longer be friends to them, and therefore will
not be good things for them (for friends are good things). The answer is that if
we were right in saying that friend wishes good to friend for his sake, his
friend must remain the sort of being he is, whatever that may be; therefore it
is for him oily so long as he remains a man that he will wish the greatest
goods. But perhaps not all the greatest goods; for it is for himself most of all
that each man wishes what is good.
8
Most people seem, owing
to ambition, to wish to be loved rather than to love; which is why most men love
flattery; for the flatterer is a friend in an inferior position, or pretends to
be such and to love more than he is loved; and being loved seems to be akin to
being honoured, and this is what most people aim at. But it seems to be not for
its own sake that people choose honour, but incidentally. For most people enjoy
being honoured by those in positions of authority because of their hopes (for
they think that if they want anything they will get it from them; and therefore
they delight in honour as a token of favour to come); while those who desire
honour from good men, and men who know, are aiming at confirming their own
opinion of themselves; they delight in honour, therefore, because they believe
in their own goodness on the strength of the judgement of those who speak about
them. In being loved, on the other hand, people delight for its own sake; whence
it would seem to be better than being honoured, and friendship to be desirable
in itself. But it seems to lie in loving rather than in being loved, as is
indicated by the delight mothers take in loving; for some mothers hand over
their children to be brought up, and so long as they know their fate they love
them and do not seek to be loved in return (if they cannot have both), but seem
to be satisfied if they see them prospering; and they themselves love their
children even if these owing to their ignorance give them nothing of a mother's
due. Now since friendship depends more on loving, and it is those who love their
friends that are praised, loving seems to be the characteristic virtue of
friends, so that it is only those in whom this is found in due measure that are
lasting friends, and only their friendship that endures.
It is in this way more
than any other that even unequals can be friends; they can be equalized. Now
equality and likeness are friendship, and especially the likeness of those who
are like in virtue; for being steadfast in themselves they hold fast to each
other, and neither ask nor give base services, but (one may say) even prevent
them; for it is characteristic of good men neither to go wrong themselves nor to
let their friends do so. But wicked men have no steadfastness (for they do not
remain even like to themselves), but become friends for a short time because
they delight in each other's wickedness. Friends who are useful or pleasant last
longer; i.e. as long as they provide each other with enjoyments or advantages.
Friendship for utility's sake seems to be that which most easily exists between
contraries, e.g. between poor and rich, between ignorant and learned; for what a
man actually lacks he aims at, and one gives something else in return. But under
this head, too, might bring lover and beloved, beautiful and ugly. This is why
lovers sometimes seem ridiculous, when they demand to be loved as they love; if
they are equally lovable their claim can perhaps be justified, but when they
have nothing lovable about them it is ridiculous. Perhaps, however, contrary
does not even aim at contrary by its own nature, but only incidentally, the
desire being for what is intermediate; for that is what is good, e.g. it is good
for the dry not to become wet but to come to the intermediate state, and
similarly with the hot and in all other cases. These subjects we may dismiss;
for they are indeed somewhat foreign to our inquiry.
9
Friendship and justice
seem, as we have said at the outset of our discussion, to be concerned with the
same objects and exhibited between the same persons. For in every community
there is thought to be some form of justice, and friendship too; at least men
address as friends their fellow-voyagers and fellowsoldiers, and so too those
associated with them in any other kind of community. And the extent of their
association is the extent of their friendship, as it is the extent to which
justice exists between them. And the proverb 'what friends have is common
property' expresses the truth; for friendship depends on community. Now brothers
and comrades have all things in common, but the others to whom we have referred
have definite things in common-some more things, others fewer; for of
friendships, too, some are more and others less truly friendships. And the
claims of justice differ too; the duties of parents to children, and those of
brothers to each other are not the same, nor those of comrades and those of
fellow-citizens, and so, too, with the other kinds of friendship. There is a
difference, therefore, also between the acts that are unjust towards each of
these classes of associates, and the injustice increases by being exhibited
towards those who are friends in a fuller sense; e.g. it is a more terrible
thing to defraud a comrade than a fellow-citizen, more terrible not to help a
brother than a stranger, and more terrible to wound a father than any one else.
And the demands of justice also seem to increase with the intensity of the
friendship, which implies that friendship and justice exist between the same
persons and have an equal extension.
Now all forms of
community are like parts of the political community; for men journey together
with a view to some particular advantage, and to provide something that they
need for the purposes of life; and it is for the sake of advantage that the
political community too seems both to have come together originally and to
endure, for this is what legislators aim at, and they call just that which is to
the common advantage. Now the other communities aim at advantage bit by bit,
e.g. sailors at what is advantageous on a voyage with a view to making money or
something of the kind, fellow-soldiers at what is advantageous in war, whether
it is wealth or victory or the taking of a city that they seek, and members of
tribes and demes act similarly (Some communities seem to arise for the sake or
pleasure, viz. religious guilds and social clubs; for these exist respectively
for the sake of offering sacrifice and of companionship. But all these seem to
fall under the political community; for it aims not at present advantage but at
what is advantageous for life as a whole), offering sacrifices and arranging
gatherings for the purpose, and assigning honours to the gods, and providing
pleasant relaxations for themselves. For the ancient sacrifices and gatherings
seem to take place after the harvest as a sort of firstfruits, because it was at
these seasons that people had most leisure. All the communities, then, seem to
be parts of the political community; and the particular kinds friendship will
correspond to the particular kinds of community.
10
There are three kinds of
constitution, and an equal number of deviation-forms--perversions, as it were,
of them. The constitutions are monarchy, aristocracy, and thirdly that which is
based on a property qualification, which it seems appropriate to call timocratic,
though most people are wont to call it polity. The best of these is monarchy,
the worst timocracy. The deviation from monarchy is tyrany; for both are forms
of one-man rule, but there is the greatest difference between them; the tyrant
looks to his own advantage, the king to that of his subjects. For a man is not a
king unless he is sufficient to himself and excels his subjects in all good
things; and such a man needs nothing further; therefore he will not look to his
own interests but to those of his subjects; for a king who is not like that
would be a mere titular king. Now tyranny is the very contrary of this; the
tyrant pursues his own good. And it is clearer in the case of tyranny that it is
the worst deviation-form; but it is the contrary of the best that is worst.
Monarchy passes over into tyranny; for tyranny is the evil form of one-man rule
and the bad king becomes a tyrant. Aristocracy passes over into oligarchy by the
badness of the rulers, who distribute contrary to equity what belongs to the
city-all or most of the good things to themselves, and office always to the same
people, paying most regard to wealth; thus the rulers are few and are bad men
instead of the most worthy. Timocracy passes over into democracy; for these are
coterminous, since it is the ideal even of timocracy to be the rule of the
majority, and all who have the property qualification count as equal. Democracy
is the least bad of the deviations; for in its case the form of constitution is
but a slight deviation. These then are the changes to which constitutions are
most subject; for these are the smallest and easiest transitions.
One may find resemblances
to the constitutions and, as it were, patterns of them even in households. For
the association of a father with his sons bears the form of monarchy, since the
father cares for his children; and this is why Homer calls Zeus 'father'; it is
the ideal of monarchy to be paternal rule. But among the Persians the rule of
the father is tyrannical; they use their sons as slaves. Tyrannical too is the
rule of a master over slaves; for it is the advantage of the master that is
brought about in it. Now this seems to be a correct form of government, but the
Persian type is perverted; for the modes of rule appropriate to different
relations are diverse. The association of man and wife seems to be aristocratic;
for the man rules in accordance with his worth, and in those matters in which a
man should rule, but the matters that befit a woman he hands over to her. If the
man rules in everything the relation passes over into oligarchy; for in doing so
he is not acting in accordance with their respective worth, and not ruling in
virtue of his superiority. Sometimes, however, women rule, because they are
heiresses; so their rule is not in virtue of excellence but due to wealth and
power, as in oligarchies. The association of brothers is like timocracy; for
they are equal, except in so far as they differ in age; hence if they differ
much in age, the friendship is no longer of the fraternal type. Democracy is
found chiefly in masterless dwellings (for here every one is on an equality),
and in those in which the ruler is weak and every one has licence to do as he
pleases.
11
Each of the constitutions
may be seen to involve friendship just in so far as it involves justice. The
friendship between a king and his subjects depends on an excess of benefits
conferred; for he confers benefits on his subjects if being a good man he cares
for them with a view to their well-being, as a shepherd does for his sheep
(whence Homer called Agamemnon 'shepherd of the peoples'). Such too is the
friendship of a father, though this exceeds the other in the greatness of the
benefits conferred; for he is responsible for the existence of his children,
which is thought the greatest good, and for their nurture and upbringing.
These things are ascribed
to ancestors as well. Further, by nature a father tends to rule over his sons,
ancestors over descendants, a king over his subjects. These friendships imply
superiority of one party over the other, which is why ancestors are honoured.
The justice therefore that exists between persons so related is not the same on
both sides but is in every case proportioned to merit; for that is true of the
friendship as well. The friendship of man and wife, again, is the same that is
found in an aristocracy; for it is in accordance with virtue the better gets
more of what is good, and each gets what befits him; and so, too, with the
justice in these relations. The friendship of brothers is like that of comrades;
for they are equal and of like age, and such persons are for the most part like
in their feelings and their character. Like this, too, is the friendship
appropriate to timocratic government; for in such a constitution the ideal is
for the citizens to be equal and fair; therefore rule is taken in turn, and on
equal terms; and the friendship appropriate here will correspond.
But in the
deviation-forms, as justice hardly exists, so too does friendship. It exists
least in the worst form; in tyranny there is little or no friendship. For where
there is nothing common to ruler and ruled, there is not friendship either,
since there is not justice; e.g. between craftsman and tool, soul and body,
master and slave; the latter in each case is benefited by that which uses it,
but there is no friendship nor justice towards lifeless things. But neither is
there friendship towards a horse or an ox, nor to a slave qua slave. For there
is nothing common to the two parties; the slave is a living tool and the tool a
lifeless slave. Qua slave then, one cannot be friends with him. But qua man one
can; for there seems to be some justice between any man and any other who can
share in a system of law or be a party to an agreement; therefore there can also
be friendship with him in so far as he is a man. Therefore while in tyrannies
friendship and justice hardly exist, in democracies they exist more fully; for
where the citizens are equal they have much in common.
12
Every form of friendship,
then, involves association, as has been said. One might, however, mark off from
the rest both the friendship of kindred and that of comrades. Those of
fellow-citizens, fellow-tribesmen, fellow-voyagers, and the like are more like
mere friendships of association; for they seem to rest on a sort of compact.
With them we might class the friendship of host and guest. The friendship of
kinsmen itself, while it seems to be of many kinds, appears to depend in every
case on parental friendship; for parents love their children as being a part of
themselves, and children their parents as being something originating from them.
Now (1) arents know their offspring better than there children know that they
are their children, and (2) the originator feels his offspring to be his own
more than the offspring do their begetter; for the product belongs to the
producer (e.g. a tooth or hair or anything else to him whose it is), but the
producer does not belong to the product, or belongs in a less degree. And (3)
the length of time produces the same result; parents love their children as soon
as these are born, but children love their parents only after time has elapsed
and they have acquired understanding or the power of discrimination by the
senses. From these considerations it is also plain why mothers love more than
fathers do. Parents, then, love their children as themselves (for their issue
are by virtue of their separate existence a sort of other selves), while
children love their parents as being born of them, and brothers love each other
as being born of the same parents; for their identity with them makes them
identical with each other (which is the reason why people talk of 'the same
blood', 'the same stock', and so on). They are, therefore, in a sense the same
thing, though in separate individuals. Two things that contribute greatly to
friendship are a common upbringing and similarity of age; for 'two of an age
take to each other', and people brought up together tend to be comrades; whence
the friendship of brothers is akin to that of comrades. And cousins and other
kinsmen are bound up together by derivation from brothers, viz. by being derived
from the same parents. They come to be closer together or farther apart by
virtue of the nearness or distance of the original ancestor.
The friendship of
children to parents, and of men to gods, is a relation to them as to something
good and superior; for they have conferred the greatest benefits, since they are
the causes of their being and of their nourishment, and of their education from
their birth; and this kind of friendship possesses pleasantness and utility
also, more than that of strangers, inasmuch as their life is lived more in
common. The friendship of brothers has the characteristics found in that of
comrades (and especially when these are good), and in general between people who
are like each other, inasmuch as they belong more to each other and start with a
love for each other from their very birth, and inasmuch as those born of the
same parents and brought up together and similarly educated are more akin in
character; and the test of time has been applied most fully and convincingly in
their case.
Between other kinsmen
friendly relations are found in due proportion. Between man and wife friendship
seems to exist by nature; for man is naturally inclined to form couples-even
more than to form cities, inasmuch as the household is earlier and more
necessary than the city, and reproduction is more common to man with the
animals. With the other animals the union extends only to this point, but human
beings live together not only for the sake of reproduction but also for the
various purposes of life; for from the start the functions are divided, and
those of man and woman are different; so they help each other by throwing their
peculiar gifts into the common stock. It is for these reasons that both utility
and pleasure seem to be found in this kind of friendship. But this friendship
may be based also on virtue, if the parties are good; for each has its own
virtue and they will delight in the fact. And children seem to be a bond of
union (which is the reason why childless people part more easily); for children
are a good common to both and what is common holds them together.
How man and wife and in
general friend and friend ought mutually to behave seems to be the same question
as how it is just for them to behave; for a man does not seem to have the same
duties to a friend, a stranger, a comrade, and a schoolfellow.
13
There are three kinds of
friendship, as we said at the outset of our inquiry, and in respect of each some
are friends on an equality and others by virtue of a superiority (for not only
can equally good men become friends but a better man can make friends with a
worse, and similarly in friendships of pleasure or utility the friends may be
equal or unequal in the benefits they confer). This being so, equals must effect
the required equalization on a basis of equality in love and in all other
respects, while unequals must render what is in proportion to their superiority
or inferiority. Complaints and reproaches arise either only or chiefly in the
friendship of utility, and this is only to be expected. For those who are
friends on the ground of virtue are anxious to do well by each other (since that
is a mark of virtue and of friendship), and between men who are emulating each
other in this there cannot be complaints or quarrels; no one is offended by a
man who loves him and does well by him-if he is a person of nice feeling he
takes his revenge by doing well by the other. And the man who excels the other
in the services he renders will not complain of his friend, since he gets what
he aims at; for each man desires what is good. Nor do complaints arise much even
in friendships of pleasure; for both get at the same time what they desire, if
they enjoy spending their time together; and even a man who complained of
another for not affording him pleasure would seem ridiculous, since it is in his
power not to spend his days with him.
But the friendship of
utility is full of complaints; for as they use each other for their own
interests they always want to get the better of the bargain, and think they have
got less than they should, and blame their partners because they do not get all
they 'want and deserve'; and those who do well by others cannot help them as
much as those whom they benefit want.
Now it seems that, as
justice is of two kinds, one unwritten and the other legal, one kind of
friendship of utility is moral and the other legal. And so complaints arise most
of all when men do not dissolve the relation in the spirit of the same type of
friendship in which they contracted it. The legal type is that which is on fixed
terms; its purely commercial variety is on the basis of immediate payment, while
the more liberal variety allows time but stipulates for a definite quid pro quo.
In this variety the debt is clear and not ambiguous, but in the postponement it
contains an element of friendliness; and so some states do not allow suits
arising out of such agreements, but think men who have bargained on a basis of
credit ought to accept the consequences. The moral type is not on fixed terms;
it makes a gift, or does whatever it does, as to a friend; but one expects to
receive as much or more, as having not given but lent; and if a man is worse off
when the relation is dissolved than he was when it was contracted he will
complain. This happens because all or most men, while they wish for what is
noble, choose what is advantageous; now it is noble to do well by another
without a view to repayment, but it is the receiving of benefits that is
advantageous. Therefore if we can we should return the equivalent of what we
have received (for we must not make a man our friend against his will; we must
recognize that we were mistaken at the first and took a benefit from a person we
should not have taken it from-since it was not from a friend, nor from one who
did it just for the sake of acting so-and we must settle up just as if we had
been benefited on fixed terms). Indeed, one would agree to repay if one could
(if one could not, even the giver would not have expected one to do so);
therefore if it is possible we must repay. But at the outset we must consider
the man by whom we are being benefited and on what terms he is acting, in order
that we may accept the benefit on these terms, or else decline it.
It is disputable whether
we ought to measure a service by its utility to the receiver and make the return
with a view to that, or by the benevolence of the giver. For those who have
received say they have received from their benefactors what meant little to the
latter and what they might have got from others-minimizing the service; while
the givers, on the contrary, say it was the biggest thing they had, and what
could not have been got from others, and that it was given in times of danger or
similar need. Now if the friendship is one that aims at utility, surely the
advantage to the receiver is the measure. For it is he that asks for the
service, and the other man helps him on the assumption that he will receive the
equivalent; so the assistance has been precisely as great as the advantage to
the receiver, and therefore he must return as much as he has received, or even
more (for that would be nobler). In friendships based on virtue on the other
hand, complaints do not arise, but the purpose of the doer is a sort of measure;
for in purpose lies the essential element of virtue and character.
14
Differences arise also in
friendships based on superiority; for each expects to get more out of them, but
when this happens the friendship is dissolved. Not only does the better man
think he ought to get more, since more should be assigned to a good man, but the
more useful similarly expects this; they say a useless man should not get as
much as they should, since it becomes an act of public service and not a
friendship if the proceeds of the friendship do not answer to the worth of the
benefits conferred. For they think that, as in a commercial partnership those
who put more in get more out, so it should be in friendship. But the man who is
in a state of need and inferiority makes the opposite claim; they think it is
the part of a good friend to help those who are in need; what, they say, is the
use of being the friend of a good man or a powerful man, if one is to get
nothing out of it?
At all events it seems
that each party is justified in his claim, and that each should get more out of
the friendship than the other-not more of the same thing, however, but the
superior more honour and the inferior more gain; for honour is the prize of
virtue and of beneficence, while gain is the assistance required by inferiority.
It seems to be so in
constitutional arrangements also; the man who contributes nothing good to the
common stock is not honoured; for what belongs to the public is given to the man
who benefits the public, and honour does belong to the public. It is not
possible to get wealth from the common stock and at the same time honour. For no
one puts up with the smaller share in all things; therefore to the man who loses
in wealth they assign honour and to the man who is willing to be paid, wealth,
since the proportion to merit equalizes the parties and preserves the
friendship, as we have said. This then is also the way in which we should
associate with unequals; the man who is benefited in respect of wealth or virtue
must give honour in return, repaying what he can. For friendship asks a man to
do what he can, not what is proportional to the merits of the case; since that
cannot always be done, e.g. in honours paid to the gods or to parents; for no
one could ever return to them the equivalent of what he gets, but the man who
serves them to the utmost of his power is thought to be a good man. This is why
it would not seem open to a man to disown his father (though a father may disown
his son); being in debt, he should repay, but there is nothing by doing which a
son will have done the equivalent of what he has received, so that he is always
in debt. But creditors can remit a debt; and a father can therefore do so too.
At the same time it is thought that presumably no one would repudiate a son who
was not far gone in wickedness; for apart from the natural friendship of father
and son it is human nature not to reject a son's assistance. But the son, if he
is wicked, will naturally avoid aiding his father, or not be zealous about it;
for most people wish to get benefits, but avoid doing them, as a thing
unprofitable.-So much for these questions.